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Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Getting Divorced


Now that I finally have his permission to post this on my blog, I can answer the questions that people have been having, namely what changes has my family been going through, and after my last post, why I need to be the full-on bread winner.

My husband and I are getting divorced.


This isn't a sudden decision; it's something that is years in the making and only has been made after consultation with people that are older and wiser and professionals of various sorts.

I know to some people we seemed like the "perfect couple" but I wanted to remind everyone that the internet only shows the part of reality that we decided to show, and is, in no way, a complete picture.

Why we're getting divorced is not something I will be sharing, but I will say that I wish the best for him and he for me, we just decided that our marriage isn't meant to last, but we're glad that we married each other so we could have our four wonderful children.

That said, we're hoping to do this as amicably as possible, both for our sake, and for the kids.

We're in the process, but things are taking longer than I thought they would.

We're still living together; he's not moving out until we have our agreement in place. And yes, that means I am staying in the house here with the kids, fortunately.

This is a new chapter of my life, for sure, and it is one that is making me glad that I have been so frugal up until now, because, more than anything, I'll need to be living a frugal life as a single mom of four.

As for how I'm doing, fortunately I have an amazing support system, so I'm doing wonderfully.

Any frugal tips you want to share for a soon to be single mom?

24 comments:

  1. As long as you do you.....all the rest will fall in place. No one has a right to judge, and before they do they should make sure they are perfect first. Please do not stop posting about your frugal ways and tips.

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  2. Hugs, Penny! You are a wonderful, beautiful, person! I wish you a bright and happy future

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  3. I wish you all the best. I'm glad you're still being in your home.

    After I saw your comment yesterday, I figured that's what was happening. I hope things go as smoothly and easily for you.

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  4. Praying for your whole family! Life has a way of always evolving and changing, keeping us on our tippy toes.

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  5. Sorry to hear things didn't work out.
    Advice:
    1. Cultivate your network of babysitters, mostly friends you can swap with but also some paid ones. A good quality babysitter isiworth their weight in gold, and that is going to be one of the biggest differences when your husband moves out; not having someone else automatically there to watch the kids. Think about how you will handle emergency babysitting too (especially for illness).
    2. Intentionally plan your schedule around custody swaps so you can take advantage of those child-free times to either crank up the productivity or take a self-care break.
    3. Long-term you will need to think about retirement savings for yourself and (depending on your country) insurance benefits. Would it be worth updating your training to work as a dental hygienist again?

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  6. Good luck with the future and my heart hurts for you. <3
    You're obviously more of a pro with the frugal tips, but I'd suggest that you look at all your spending and see if it can be reduced. Like, clothes: where do you buy them and can they be purchased somewhere less expensive?
    Sending you internet hugs and such. They're not much, but we're all pulling for you.

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  7. Best of luck with everything. I have been reading your blog for years and gained so much.

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  8. So glad you and your husband are civil. Impressed with all you do!

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  9. Even though you've clearly given this decision so much thought, it must still be challenging and difficult in many ways. I hope for a healthy, healing transition for all of you.

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  10. Wishing you the best in your new life. You are a strong woman. You will make it.

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  11. Hugs for you Penny. I hope he will be supporting you financially once he moves out. Even though I come from a very different culture and lifestyle to you, I very much enjoy reading your blog, so please keep writing.

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  12. I wish you the best of luck to the both of you. I'm a long-time reader and have also gained so much from your blog. You are a fine and admirable person, and your future will be wondrous.

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  13. So sorry to hear this. I've been enjoying this blog since day 1 (but almost never posy) and my heart is hurting for you and your family. Your appraoch to this all is amazing though, and you are definitely doing it in the best way for your children. I wish you lots of strength and happiness in the years ahead .

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  14. I hardly post and I wrote a whole comment yesterday and it got lost in cyber space. I just wanted to wish you all the best. There’s nothing wrong with cleaning houses - I know so many people who have done it!
    Make sure you file with the government to get the single mother tax breaks and benefits.
    Wishing you all the best.

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  15. When my husband and I divorced after 12 years, we made the decision cooperatively. We divided our possessions (he gets his skis, I get mine), and we lived together for several months after. Those were some of the most peaceful months ever! Our families were uncomfortable around us, so we spent Christmas/New Year's by ourselves, just cross-country skiing and playing with our dogs. I moved out in January, and he helped. I think if children were involved, it would have been harder, but it seems like you two are good with co-parenting, so I see only good things for your family!

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  16. I'm sorry that you have to go through this but you are a strong lady and I think, I know, you will be okay. I guess with your recent posts we all pretty much kind of thought that or possibly that he had lost his job. But as you can see you have quite a few fans cheering and praying for you. God bless.

    -Darlindavdix (Dee)

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  17. I’m sorry to hear that your marriage hasn’t worked out, but so glad that you and your husband are able to be civil. Good luck in all things going forward, and I hope that your family adjusts well to the changes.

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  18. Best of luck. Many couples who should get divorced don't separate because of financial reasons. I admire you for doing what is best for your family.
    I just have one question. How are you able to work full time, are you no longer homeschooling?

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  19. I wish you all the best. You are smart and strong. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

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  20. Hello, I enjoy reading all of your post. I wanted to write a
    little comment to support you.

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  21. best wishes for everything good

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  22. So sorry that you have been and are navigating troubled waters. Your emotional maturity and intelligence is inspirational. I am glad to hear that you have people around you for help and support.Thank you for honestly sharing what must be a difficult and sensitive issue and for the reminder that glimpses into the lives of others may be distorted by our incorrect perception of reality. Sending every good wish for happiness in the future which you so richly deserve for you and the family.

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  23. I am so sorry to read this Penny. I have followed you and read your posts for years and know how hard you have worked for your family and relationship. I think it takes strength and courage to part when things are not working, and, it takes strength and courage to carve a new life. You have both girl. Wishing you all the best. Jane

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  24. Wishing you the best in your new life

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