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Monday, January 20, 2020

Treating Myself For My Birthday



My 32 birthday is coming up. Exactly a month from yesterday. The holidays were really enjoyable together with my kids and friends, I had a great time, but I must admit, as a single mom, not in any relationship now, and without a close relationship with my family, the whole gifting thing was difficult for me. I got my kids gifts and we did fun things together, and even though we did a Secret Santa thing with the family and my son Ike got me something, it didn't fulfill my gifting desires. One of the hardest things about being a single mom, to be honest, is feeling like there's no one there to get me a gift, to think of me and say "Here, I thought of you and wanted you to have this".

A friend of mine just died and she was a single mom for many years, and one thing she taught me was that as a single parent, you need to celebrate on your own. Throw yourself a birthday bash, treat yourself to something beautiful, don't wait for someone "special" to arrive in your life and do it for you.

So I decided that for my birthday, I will make a fun celebration with my friends, and I will get myself a wonderful gift. So many times the gifts that I get myself, when I do get something, are super cheap and nothing special, or they are something that I need, which doesn't feel really like a gift. But this time, I'm going to tell myself "I am worthwhile" and "I'm allowed to spend money on myself" and not just look for something that is cheap, but something that is high quality, that I'll treasure.

One of the things I strongly considered was buying myself a pair of beautiful but dainty solid gold earrings, because nearly all the jewelry I have is cheap costume jewelry, other than a bracelet I got from Mike when we were engaged, and I do like high quality jewelry.



However, though this was a strong consideration of mine, I decided to nix this because my daughter, Rose, is always rifling through my jewelry and "borrowing" my earrings, and sometimes even breaking them. Beautiful jewelry for myself will have to wait until she is a little older and/or learns to not take my things without permission.


Another thing I was considering is to just consider my next trip abroad, planned to Vienna, flying on WizzAir, in March, to be my birthday present. But as much as I love travel, and really cherish that time, I know for myself that I do want something tangible to hold on to, to remind myself when I use it, that I am worth it, I am worth spending money on, and memories don't cut it for me. (And anyhow, the trip was already planned, not intended as a birthday thing, so deciding "after the fact" that it was for my birthday feels like a cop out and doesn't convey the feelings that I wanted anyhow.)

I was considering getting myself an awesome kitchen gadget, but other than an instant pot, I have most kitchen gadgets that I want, and I feel like it would be too utilitarian to get as a gift, and wouldn't feel like I was pampering myself enough.

Then today, I finally settled down on what I will be getting myself.

My favorite room of the house is my bedroom. I love how I designed it, I love the color scheme, I love how peaceful it is when it's all the way clean. Its where I spend most time, since it is also where I work on the computer. Its basically my oasis.

I bought nice new sheets when we moved into our new home, but over the past few years somehow they got ruined. The sheets currently on my bed somehow got speckled with bleach stains, so instead of being charcoal grey, they are charcoal grey with pinkish grey polka dots. Other sheets are ripped, and some of the duvet covers are ruined with slime (that is forbidden in my house for a reason). And the color has changed on most of the linens... In short, while my sheets and duvet covers are functional, they aren't nearly as nice as I want them to be, so I was going to buy myself new stuff. Add to that all the emotions of the fact that the sheets that I had were the ones I had when I was living with Mike, and yea, I want new. I don't want to be using these sheets anymore. (It helps that I already built myself a new bed, and that I bought a new mattress. But still, the same sheets are on it, and I want new.)

Then I thought, what I really would love is luxurious sheets. Not just getting simple grey ones, but to splurge on something really nice. Something totally frivolous, but I'll spend money on it because I am allowed to have nice things!

So that settled it.


I bought myself this bedding set, entitled "Kylie Exclusive To Next Faux Fur Panel Lucette Duvet Cover", and it seems like the definition of luxury to me: "The luxurious Lucette silver bed linen will bring some Kylie glamour to your bedroom. Combining sumptuous silver velvet in generous panels, with soft satin creates a look of total opulence. Adding the Lucette boudoir cushion with its sparkling silver embellishment will complete the look." And yes, I got the duvet cover as well as cushions, and I already have two matching faux fur throws to go with this. (Yes, I have a thing for faux fur. I love fluffy and soft and everything about it.)

I'm so excited to have it arrive, so glad to have something that will reaffirm for myself every day that I use it that "I am worth spending money on" and "I don't need to wait for someone to come in my life to love me and get me nice things; I can love myself and get myself special things too". The hard part is, once it arrives, to keep it aside and only open it up to use on my special day. But it'll be worth it.

I can't wait for my special day to arrive. And I'm glad I finally got to the point in life where I am able to spend on myself and not feel guilty for doing nice things for myself. Now just to plan the actual party.
What do you do for birthdays? For all the single readers out there, do you gift yourself? Why or why not? Are you able to spend on yourself without feeling guilty? Why or why not?


4 comments:

  1. Why not post an Amazon wish list or include a link on your site like YouTube Patreon or something or another? I know people might feel funny about that at first but a lot of people gift people who they follow or give small donations. I know I immediately thought that I'd like to Amazon you something. I've done the single parent thing and it's rough.

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  2. Good. I'm glad you gave yourself something beautiful! The linen sounds lovely.

    I do my own gifting (I'm a caregiving spouse and my husband is absorbed in his own serious problems) and set a budget limit. No more guilt. I work hard and deserve some treats.
    As do you.

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  3. I have been a single parent for nearly 20 years now and I have bought myself a few things for Christmas over the years when my girls were little and the eldest worried about there not being gifts for me. I've never bought anything for my birthday though even though my parents always give me money. Now the girls are old enough that they will buy me something but it really is an uncelebrated day for the most part. I guess I never have money enough to consider buying myself something luxurious and gift money ends up being spent on needs. Although things aren't as financially hard now, I live in fear of a major household or auto repair so I have to save any surplus.

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  4. Those earrings are very nice. Great gift idea.

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