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Tuesday, July 14, 2020

What’s the best way to split custody?

As a parent going through divorce who wants the absolute best for my kids, what is best for the kids regarding the divorce plays a big factor into my decision making process, and its why I involve a family therapist to help this go as smoothly as possible. She has a lot to say about what is best for children regarding custody and visitation, and this post sent in by a reader also offers some interesting information on that as well.


There is no doubt that divorces are one of the most frequent, traumatizing experiences that affect children disproportionately more severely than adults. It makes sense. A child cannot be expected to understand the reasoning behind such a decision, however sound and logical it may be.


Mental health impact

Grown ups can have their reasons for splitting up, they may be obvious to them and every other adult around. The divorce may be even carried out in a civil manner, without any adversity of both parties towards each other. None of that matters in the eyes of a child who is used to having both of their parents around, seemingly in love with each other. It shatters their comfort zone, and without proper guidance and parenting, it may have a profound impact on their future relationships.

This is why child custody matters are the most complex and difficult aspect of most divorces. Many things need to be taken into consideration, such as the child’s psychological well-being, and in some of the more dire cases, even their physical safety. The process can’t be finalized until both parents agree to the arrangement and that can sometimes be a long and crippling battle in and of itself.

Legal intricacies

Divorces are extremely common occurrences in the United States. If you find yourself in this difficult situation, you need to remember that the legal procedure varies from state to state. There are so many different types of divorce but luckily, also many reliable sources to learn from.

Educate yourself on the specifics of divorce proceedings in your state in order to know how to legally establish the best custody arrangement for your child. Legal counsel and basic knowledge are especially important if your spouse refuses to cooperate.

Presence of parents

It has been proven on many occasions that having both of the parents around during one’s formative years is extremely beneficial in their formative years. This is why, as long as both parties are of sound mind and are not out to cause harm to their former spouse, it is crucial to split custody fairly and with the child’s best interest in mind.

This will take countless hours of painful discussions with your child and the soon-to-be-ex spouse. That is the best case scenario. Some of the time divorce parties are unable to hold these conversations -- one of the spouses might refuse to cooperate, or outright disagree to divorce. In those cases, you should make sure to surround yourself with a professional legal council and plan out your best course of action. Take a deep breath and just spend some valuable time with your child.

In order to find out more about divorce proceedings in the US and how they affect children, you might want to take a look at this infographic.

Co-parenting in real life - how it really looks like

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